More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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