You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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