I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
