I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
