Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
