3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a burrito and a hug.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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