Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
