1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
420 ftw
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
