69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
