genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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