After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found your dick twin last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
