Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
