How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
