Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
