You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
