Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
