i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
