I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
