you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
