Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
