2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
