So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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