I just cut my nipple shaving
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
