i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
