I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
