I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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