speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
