Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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