You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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