Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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