he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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