Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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