Got a toothbrush?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
