Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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