I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
