Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
