i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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