i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Houston, we have a blender
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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