I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
