so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
