Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
