I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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