We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
