I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
