Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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