know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
