What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
