if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
