I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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