I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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