we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
