Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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