Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
